What is Your Congregation’s Attachment Style? 

By Rev. Cameron Trimble, CEO

In the same way individuals form attachment styles in their relationships, congregations can also develop distinct attachment patterns. These attachment styles—secure, insecure-anxious, and insecure-avoidant—affect how a congregation interacts internally among its members and externally with the wider community.

Secure Attachment
A congregation with a secure attachment style tends to exhibit strong, healthy relationships among its members. There’s a sense of trust and stability, allowing the congregation to embrace change and engage in open, constructive dialogue. These congregations often feel confident in their identity and mission, welcoming new members and ideas while maintaining a strong, cohesive community.

Insecure Anxious Attachment
Congregations with an insecure-anxious attachment style may struggle with feelings of uncertainty and instability. Leaders in these congregations might be overly concerned with how they are perceived by others, leading to a tendency to seek constant reassurance. This can result in a congregation that is hesitant to take risks or adapt to change, often fearing that any shift might destabilize the community. These congregations might also experience frequent conflicts or tension as they grapple with their insecurities.

Insecure Avoidant Attachment
Congregations that demonstrate an insecure-avoidant attachment style may feel cold or disengaged. They might avoid deep emotional connections with the outside community or new visitors, leading to a culture of isolation where members feel unsupported or undervalued. These congregations might resist change or new ideas, preferring to maintain the status quo even if it no longer serves them well. The avoidant style can lead to a congregation that is less collaborative and more focused on self-preservation.

As you reflect on these styles, consider taking this quiz to identify where your congregation might fit. Understanding your congregation’s attachment style can be a crucial first step in fostering a healthier, more connected community.

Here is a quick assessment to determine the insecurity level of your congregation. Rank your answers as 0-2, with 0 being rarely true, 1 being sometimes true and 2 being often true:

Your Congregation’s Attachment Security	Rating (0-2)
We lose the sense of our vision and mission in day-to-day ministry.
We neglect caring for ourselves as we care for others.
We make compromises in partnerships and with individuals that we later resent.
Ministry has the greatest value when others praise us rather than doing it because it’s the right thing to do.
When we achieve a meaningful goal or have a positive experience in a ministry, we still feel unsatisfied and push for more.
We feel misunderstood by our community.
When congregational leaders or community partners fall through on a commitment, we take it personally. Lots of drama.
We punish people who make mistakes or offend others even if they mean well.
We wonder if our congregation is incongruent with our pastor and/or our community.
We often take on more than we can handle and wait too long to ask for help.
When we think about previous generations of this congregation, it’s hard to think that they would be supportive or be proud of us.
It creates major issues when someone perceives something is unfair in the life of our congregation.
TOTAL SECURITY/INSECURITY SCORE

Rating Scale:

14-24: Insecure-Avoidant

Your congregation struggles with relationships to the point of insecurity. When something stressful happens, you are quick to blame others and scapegoat leadership. Even after years of attendance, people often find it hard to feel like they belong. Only “protected” people in the congregation dare suggest new ideas.

7-13 – Insecure-Anxious

Welcoming new people and partnerships into your ministries is hard for your congregation. It’s easier to depend on the people who have always been there. When people propose new ideas, it creates chaos and confusion. It’s easier to keep things simple, like we have always done them. 

0-6 – Secure

You are comfortable welcoming new people, ideas, opportunities and partnerships, especially when it feels like everyone is on the same page. You share the sense that ministry can be fun, life-giving and collaborative because you feel a high sense of belonging and trust. 

Is Your Congregation Insecure? What To Do? 

If your congregation identifies with an insecure attachment style—whether anxious or avoidant—there are actionable steps you can take to move toward a healthier, more secure community. While these changes may require time and intentional effort, they can lead to a more resilient and connected congregation.

For Congregations with an Insecure Anxious Style

1. Cultivate Trust and Transparency
   Begin by fostering an environment of open communication. Regularly share updates about the congregation’s direction, challenges, and successes. Encourage leaders and members to voice their thoughts and concerns in a safe, supportive space. This transparency can help reduce anxiety by making members feel more informed and involved in the congregation’s journey.
2. Strengthen Community Bonds
   Invest in activities and programs that build relationships within the congregation. Small groups, social events, and collaborative projects can help create deeper connections among members. As bonds strengthen, the need for constant reassurance often decreases, as members start to feel more secure in their relationships within the congregation.
3. Embrace Change Gradually
   Introduce changes in a thoughtful, gradual manner, providing ample time for discussion and adjustment. By managing change with care, you can help the congregation see that new directions or ideas are not threats but opportunities for growth. This approach can lessen the fear of destabilization and build confidence in the congregation’s ability to adapt.

For Congregations with an Insecure Avoidant Style

1. Encourage Emotional Engagement
   Create opportunities for members to share their stories, challenges, and joys. This can be done through testimonies, prayer groups, or facilitated discussions. By making space for vulnerability, you help break down walls of disengagement and build a culture of care and support.
2. Promote Collaborative Leadership
   Shift from a top-down leadership model to a more collaborative approach. Involve members in decision-making processes and empower them to take on leadership roles. This shared responsibility can foster a sense of ownership and commitment, reducing the tendency to avoid deep connections or responsibilities within the congregation.
3. Address Resistance to Change
   Recognize and address the congregation’s fears around change. Host workshops or discussions that explore the benefits of adapting and evolving as a community. By acknowledging and validating these fears, you can begin to shift the congregation’s perspective, helping them see change not as a threat but as a path to growth and renewal.

Building Toward Security

Whether anxious or avoidant, moving toward a secure attachment style is about building trust, fostering connections, and embracing healthy change. By taking these steps, your congregation can develop a stronger, more cohesive community that is well-equipped to navigate the challenges and opportunities of the future.