by: Rev. Laura Robinson
I recently notified the congregation I serve that I will be concluding my pastorate with them. In keeping with the norm of settled pastor call agreements (at least the norm I’m used to) – I gave them 90 days’ notice.
When I told beloveds outside of the church world I would be doing this – almost to a person, the response was a shock. Ninety days?? What can you do with each other for 90 days? Surely 90 days can only lead to awkward staring and thumb twiddling after the initial reactions are expressed and everyone wants to move on. But here’s the thing: this isn’t my first rodeo. 90 Days IS a long time. It can be uncomfortable and hard and full of ALL the feels. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Ninety days provide ample opportunity for grief. It provides spacious (whether you want it or not) time for honesty. It provides room for celebrations, dreaming, and reminiscing.
Ninety days do NOT let you rush past it. Instead, 90 days ask you to sit with it for a while. Get comfortable. Move through the initial reactive responses and get curious. Maybe even ask a few questions.
Ninety days ask us to show up differently than we do in much of the rest of our lives. You know the way: we may deliberate over a decision for days, weeks, or years, but once made? Let’s do the thing and move on. Not so in 90 days. Ninety days makes you take a beat.
Ninety days gives the Holy Spirit a chance to pipe up. Maybe without even having to scream to be heard.
I spoke with a friend a couple of weeks ago who has also given 90-day notice of his upcoming retirement to his congregation. Now a 30+ year ministry is different from a 2+ year ministry – but in both cases, 90 days has been a godsend.
Within 90 days, there is time for the BIG feelings, for forgiveness and making amends, and even time to share all you hope for and dream for one another. Ninety days give you the opportunity to love well – even when it is hard.
And so, I say to my shocked beloveds: 90 days is a gift. An uncomfortable, messy, Spirit-filled gift.
The bigger question remains for each of us: what will we do with it when the time comes? Will we embrace the uncomfortable? Love on one another in ways that leave indelible impressions? Speak possibility and hope into the ether so that the next chapter of each of our lives draws on the previous in generative ways.
You may be planning for a transition in the future – even if others aren’t aware yet. Your community might be on the precipice of “what now” conversations that feel daunting. You may be absorbing the results of someone else’s transition. Transitions are something Convergence excels with. We have accompanied individuals during transition through dedicated coaching and we have worked with congregations through conflict, change, and strategic planning initiatives. Additionally, the CoLab offers courses like Being Grateful in Difficult Times and Courageous Faith. Let us know how we can help. It really is the thing we enjoy most.
Comments
I gave the congregation I served for 28 years a 365-day notice. 365 days was too long, but 90 days after 28 years would have been way too short. Yes, 90 days does allow time for the grief, letting go, re-adjustment to happen. But the longer you’re at a place, the more time you should allow this process to unfold. On a secular job, 2 weeks is plenty to quit, and 1-3 months is appropriate to announce a retirement. But in a job where one is a spiritual leader, where you literally hold the lives of a few hundred (or thousand) people in your heart and head, giving 3 months’ notice seems like passive-aggressive anger. Granted, I think differently than clergy that serve several congregations over the course of their pastoral careers. It may have been archaic, but as a pastor I literally thought of myself as leading sheep…I knew all of their names, and they knew me…that kind of relationship requires time to unwind…or maybe I’m just way too clingy…
Totally agree actually, Patrick! I’ve been in conversation with multiple ministers who are retiring after long tenures and notice ranges from a year to even 2 years in some cases. I think the 90 days worked well for my friend and his community. And 90 days has been great for my two pastorates — but like with anything in life, context matters and nothing is black and white. I hope that you and your former congregation have both thrived since!
Greetings!
Your latest article on transitions couldn’t have been more timely. I, too, am looking toward a ministry change, and have been thinking and praying how the time between my announcement and my last day will play out. I want it to be a productive time and not a “lame duck” time. My prayer is that the last months we spend together will focus on new beginnings and not on endings. I’m already grieving, for I love this wonderful, small but mighty congregation. Yet, it’s time for retirement, and I’m ready to spend more time with my already retired husband.
Thank you for your wisdom!
Blessings,
Thank you for the response JMe. I think we’re sometimes encouraged as ministers to make it a lame-duck time, “don’t enact your vision for the church”, “don’t try to control or lead the process too much” but I think that in transitions, pastoral leadership and care is needed more than ever. You aren’t abandoning your community, you’re going where you’re called next. And they are too. And cheering one another one, dreaming together and grieving with each other feels like a critical part of shift. Thanks again for the reply – blessings and prayers for your time!
Thank you for the response JMe. I think sometimes we’re encouraged as ministers to make it a lame-duck time. The messages become “don’t force your vision onto the church”, “don’t try to control or lead the process too much” which can be wise, but I think in transitions, pastoral leadership and care is needed more than ever. You aren’t abandoning your community, you’re going where you’re called next. And they are too. And cheering one another on, dreaming together about futures even if separate, and grieving with each other feels like a critical part of shift. Thanks again for the reply – blessings and prayers for your time!