Why Is Our Church Stuck?

by: Rev. Dr. Anna Hall

If your church seems stuck and unable to move forward these days, you are not alone. 

Consulting with dozens of churches every year, I have noticed a specific tension in most discussions and decision making. Most congregations I work with seem pulled between the past and the future, and the balance of this tension is constantly shifting. In some cases, this tension can break badly and harm our congregation and our people.

Why is this? For many of us and our congregations, we are still actively grieving that the future of our church won’t look like the past. We may be working to accept that our or our loved one’s funeral may not be in this church with this organ and choir, like we always pictured. We may be sad that our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will not experience church as we did when we were young. We may feel that all we invested in the church over the years was for naught. 

This is grief. 

Grief has many stages. They are not linear, but theories of grief suggest that these stages can include:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

In churches, these can express themselves as:

• Denial – There’s nothing wrong with our church that a little hard work/a new program/a pastoral transition won’t fix. Or, there’s nothing wrong with our church, just something wrong with our pastor/our members/the people outside who don’t realize that they should join us. 
• Anger – I hold our current pastor/lay leadership fully responsible for this decline and I won’t be satisfied until they are gone! Or, if this church doesn’t use my idea or adopt my preference, I’m out of here. Or, I’ll stop giving and hang around to make darn sure that any other idea isn’t a success. 
• Bargaining – Surely God will save this congregation if we just work harder/hire a new pastor/start a new program/become open and affirming, etc. 
• Depression – What is the point? All we do is go around in circles. I barely have the energy to show up on Sunday morning and I’m on 3 committees. I’d rather just stay in bed. 
• Acceptance – Our church is changing. The religious landscape in our country is changing. I may not like all these changes. But it is the reality. We can only choose how we respond to this new reality. 

Sound at all familiar? Your congregation is very likely experiencing some or all of these stages of grief right now. 

These stages and their associated behaviors can feel insurmountable at times. Yet to move into our congregation’s future, whatever that may look like, we have to walk through them. The only way past grief is through it. We must care for each other in our grief about the church just as we do when someone has lost a loved one. Maybe everyone in the congregation needs a funeral casserole this fall! 

Acknowledging and lamenting all that we are grieving for and about our church is necessary to ease the tension between past and future before we break. When was the last time your congregation spoke openly about your feelings about the changes your church has experienced in the past ten years? Or talked about what is hard in the changes you are going through right now? When has your congregation taken time to lament together, cry together, pray together? 

Whatever you need to do to be real with one another and support each other through these stages of grief, make that a priority. Otherwise, you will get stuck time and time again trying to build your future without the emotional readiness to do so. 

If you need help working through grief over the changes in your congregation, or need support finding acceptance and building toward your future, Convergence can help. Reach out to me to chat about your congregation’s situation any time.