by: Rev Dr. Anna Hall & Rev. Cameron Trimble
If you’ve been part of a congregation for any length of time, you know that communication can either strengthen or strain the fabric of community. One small misunderstanding can ripple into deep division—or, with the right tools and spirit, it can become an opportunity for deeper connection, trust, and shared purpose.
At Convergence, we often say: healthy communication is the backbone of a healthy congregation. But what does that actually look like?
You probably know it when you see it. It’s the leader who listens intently rather than interrupting. It’s the board chair who models curiosity instead of defensiveness. It’s the team that can disagree without damaging the relationship. These are not accidental behaviors. They are the fruit of intention, humility, and a commitment to growing together.
Here are just a few of the traits we’ve observed in congregations where healthy communication is practiced and cultivated:
- Staying attentive and present in conversations, even when emotions run high.
- Being curious—especially when you disagree.
- Noticing and adjusting your body language and energy.
- Focusing on ideas, not personal attacks on motives or intelligence.
- Being honest about your own perspective and listening for God’s voice in others.
- Remaining humble—none of us holds all the truth.
- Avoiding perfectionism, and embracing “good enough” decisions when appropriate.
- Letting go of lobbying and supporting decisions made through discernment, even when they weren’t your first choice.
And one of the most important—and most often neglected—skills?
Listening.
As Henri Nouwen wrote, true listening requires “interior stability.” It asks us to be grounded enough to tune in fully to another person without getting swept away by our own internal anxieties. It asks for empathy, humility, and a willingness to show up for one another with kindness and resilience.
Of course, conflict will still arise. And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, disagreement is often how congregations grow and deepen. If everyone saw things the same way, we’d only need a board of one! The key is how we navigate those differences. When all voices are heard—yes, even the quiet ones—and when we stay within the bounds of respect and compassion, differences of opinion can lead to wiser, more thoughtful decisions.
The truth is, none of us communicates perfectly. There will be missteps. There will be moments when our words come out sideways, or when we say something that wasn’t kind, necessary, helpful, or true. The invitation is to keep learning. Apologize when you miss the mark. Repair what needs healing. And keep going.
If your congregation is struggling to communicate in healthy ways—or simply wants to strengthen its capacity to navigate conflict with grace and clarity—Convergence is here to help. Our Healthy Communication and Conflict Transformation offerings are designed to support leaders and communities in cultivating the skills needed to thrive, especially in times of change.
Let’s be communities where compassion guides our speech, where listening becomes a spiritual practice, and where communication becomes a pathway to deeper belonging.
Reach out to us at ConvergenceUS.org to learn more about how we can support your congregation.